Confessions.

I confess that I'm a terrible person, I'm not going to hold back anymore.
Want to know the real me? Not sweet or caring or innocent, no moral fibre, nothing.
I fucked my ex's best friend.
I destroyed the longest friendship I had.
I'm a cheater.
I'm a liar to those who I love the most.
I'm manipulative and conniving.
I'll walk all over others just to get what i want.

This is what I've become and I couldn't care less.
This is what I am, Who I am.
I'm a terrible person and maybe thats all part of my charm.
I'll chew you up and spit you out and you'll love every second of it.

I never.

Realised how much I love one person. I get to see him in a few hours and i have no idea what he's going to say. I feel like an idiot because i don't have the courage to tell him that i love him, but i wonder if he will have the courage to break up with me.
3 months.
And this is how it ends.
There is so much to say, but i cant choke a single word out.
Yeah you can call me pathetic but there really isn't much point I already know that i am.
I'm scared.
I don't know what happens next, i don't want anyone else, ever.
I don't want to go back to being that girl who was always alone but was able to make a reputation for herself among some of the worst.
I thought this was it.
I thought he was it.
I now realise,
I
didn't
know
shit.

Winter.

I used to be able to write what i was feeling and now i can barely string my sentences together.
It seems so pathetic and hopeless to write blogs for complete strangers.
The very people that don't know me, that don't have a clue. But maybe that's why i do it, it's hard to open yourself up to the people who already have expectations of you and nobody enjoys being judged by the people around them. Maybe that's the reason I'll stay anonymous or maybe its so i can somehow get back to being the person i used to be.
No judgement and no lies, only truth.